Apple Purchases Microsoft In Hostile Takeover
After months of planning, it appears Apple has been secretly buying stocks in Microsoft Corporation, in what seems to be a hostile takeover bid. Billions of dollars had been apparently used to purchase stocks secretly over the last several years. Tim Cook, CEO of Apple was quoted as saying “It was clear we were never going to break into the enterprise market, so we decided we would simply buy Microsoft outright.”
When asked why he felt Apple would never move into the enterprise without Microsoft, Tim Cook answered “Look, what CIO was going to be dumb enough to le their employees walk around with all the corporate secrets on the iPhones. The same phones that their kids play angry birds on.” <pause>
“Well, now that I think of it, CIO’s have been letting employees connect up to their corporate email and messaging with our incredibly unsecure iPhone. Maybe we should have just waited it out…”
The combined company will have a market capitalization of over $820 billion, and employees over 140,000 people worldwide. Steve Ballmer, former CEO of Microsoft Corporation, was quoted as saying “I guess we just didn’t see this coming. We were so busy trying to come up with a better search engine than Google, I guess we stopped paying attention to Apple for about 5 years.”
Tim Cook and the Apple board moved quickly to remove all of the Microsoft Executives, and promoted Apple Store employees to manage Bing, Windows Phone, and XBOX.